I feel like dying.

Some of you know about my weird aversion/phobia of odd patterns and skin diseases. Today there’s an image on a blog that I frequent (multiple times a day, whenever an update pops up in my RSS reader, no less) and now I’m anxious, nauseous and itchy.

Go here and scroll to the post entitled, NY Weekly Events Calendar: 2.13.08 to see my nightmare.

I need help.

Hard Up for an Acting Gig

Aw, cripes. Seriously no bueno. And because it made me puke a little, I am obligated to share it with you.

All In The Family

One day during my trip to Iowa, my mom and I drove across town to do some shopping. I was feeling generally unenthused about my hangover when, from the driver’s seat, my mom said:

“Have you ever had a bra that made your nipples itch?”
“Wow. No. Just…no.”
“Well this one does. I don’t know what the problem is, it’s from Victoria’s Secret. It’s just…so…itchy.”
“Ah, God,” I said pressing my ponytail into the head rest.
“Oh. That’s too much information.”
“Maybe, yeah. Just throw it away.”

Hoping the undergarments discussion was far behind us, later that weekend I experienced a small crisis as I got ready for my good friend’s wedding. Ella, it seemed, had chewed through, well, the only g-string I brought. And there was no way I could wear anything else with the dress.

“Hmm. You could go commando?” My mom suggested as I shrieked at Ella, who was looking coolly at me like, “Look, Holmes. You drove my ass all the way to Iowa in the middle of summer. What did you honestly expect?”
“Absolutely not. That didn’t end well last time.”
“Well,” she said, disappearing into her room, “I haven’t worn these yet.”

She came out and threw a scandalous pair of undies at me, similar to the ones Ella had for breakfast, only with…jewels. And things spelled in French.

What could I do? I wore the underwear. Which later spawned this drunken conversation in the ladies’ room:

“My underwear are bejeweled. And French.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. They’re my mom’s.”

Belief & Technique for Modern Prose [...]

In 1958, Jack Kerouac wrote a letter to Don Allen out of which his “Belief and Technique for Modern Prose List of Essentials” was born. I’ve kept a copy of this list on me since I was in college, although I sometimes go for a time without looking at it, and my first copy–torn, bent and dripped on–has since led way to other successors.

Anyway, the list may be great fodder for prose, but it’s also good fodder for life. Not to mention a good pick-me-up when said life has jostled you around a bit.

Here are some of my favorites:

2. Submissive to everything, open, listening
4. Be in love with yr own life
5. Something that you feel will find its own form
16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
20. Believe in the holy contour of life
24. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming form under, crazier the better
29. Youre a Genius all the time

I’ve noticed that some of my favorites change, but these remain the token eight. Which, according to Freud, might indicate that I seek out and enjoy authenticity, living my best life, and operating in the bullshit-free zone. And that I secretly wish I had a penis. But then that’s a staple of Freudian psychoanalysis.

[LINK]: Depp does Kerouac

[Jam of the Day]: Tori Amos, Pretty Good Year

Belief & Technique for Modern Prose [...]

In 1958, Jack Kerouac wrote a letter to Don Allen out of which his “Belief and Technique for Modern Prose List of Essentials” was born. I’ve kept a copy of this list on me since I was in college, although I sometimes go for a time without looking at it, and my first copy–torn, bent and dripped on–has since led way to other successors.

Anyway, the list may be great fodder for prose, but it’s also good fodder for life. Not to mention a good pick-me-up when said life has jostled you around a bit.

Here are some of my favorites:

2. Submissive to everything, open, listening
4. Be in love with yr own life
5. Something that you feel will find its own form
16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
20. Believe in the holy contour of life
24. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming form under, crazier the better
29. Youre a Genius all the time

I’ve noticed that some of my favorites change, but these remain the token eight. Which, according to Freud, might indicate that I seek out and enjoy authenticity, living my best life, and operating in the bullshit-free zone. And that I secretly wish I had a penis. But then that’s a staple of Freudian psychoanalysis.

[LINK]: Depp does Kerouac

[Jam of the Day]: Tori Amos, Pretty Good Year