Oh, doctor

Dan, teaching Megan how to do heel and toe turns on the snowboard: You’re not trying! You’re being a chicken. You need to really wipe out. Then I’ll know you’re trying.

[Megan makes a few successful turns and then wipes out hard. Cries.]

Medic: Are you OK? Need a lift?

Dan: Nah, she’s fine. [Medic drives away. Turns to Megan.] Do you need a doctor?

[Megan cries.]

Dan: Guess I shouldn’t have told you to wipe out. But good job!

The truth is, I thought I’d be a lot better at this. And I suppose I have the technical stuff down. But breaking your bum really takes a toll on the ‘ol confidence. Forget pride; I lost that taking a dive off the ski lift.

Nonetheless, and you wouldn’t have been able to tell 20 minutes ago, but this is the best vacation I’ve ever taken. And I still can’t forsee going back to skis. But damn, skiing came easier..

According to my calculations, I burned nearly 1,700 calories yesterday. I need to man up and take a few more runs in order to earn the irish car bomb that’s waiting for me in two hours. Oh, doctor.

They’re Coming…

The cicadas. Back to DC. In 13 years. Let me explain. No; there is too little. Let me sum up:

In the eastern half of the United States, periodical cicadas come up out of the ground every 17 years. They were here in the Washington, DC area in May of 2004 and will not be visiting us again for quite a while. They are large insects, about an inch and a half long, with black bodies, red eyes and delicate wings. There are far too many to count. You see them everywhere–on the sidewalk, on the trees, on the porch, on the street. Source

THEY COME UP OUT OF THE GROUND?! Talk about a nightmare come true for me. And have you seen them? THEY HAVE RED EYES. Cripes, they look like they were spawned from Satan himself.

The Washington Post even has a whole page dedicated to cicada season, or Brood X. They were last here in May 2004. One story I read followed a girl through desensitization therapy. Of course, there are also people like this who excitedly await the return of the cicadas. Yeah, that photo of the kid with the cicada on his MOUTH put me over the edge too. (Parents? Anywhere? Hello?)

According to D (who has lived in DC off and on for the last few years), the bugs are huge and form black clouds in the sky. My co-worker confirms the size factor, noting that the sound of the cicadas is deafening, and that each brood appears in prime numbers. He says it’s “fascinating,” and “kind of fun” to see them flying into windows and being spit out by dogs.

F that. Consider my bags packed. There’s no way I could deal with a Biblical-like proportions of Brood X.

I’m so itchy.

Pesticides: No Bueno

My new job has been good for me for a lot of reasons, one of them being that I have my hands and eyes on an intense amount of information every day. This information ranges from the political to public health, to advocacy and energy.

One topic I seem to becoming well-versed in lately is pesticides and its serious health effects on expectant mothers (neurological side effects in fetuses), children (links to autism), women (tumor growth and breast cancer), and, well, all of us (Parkinson’s).

But frankly, eating 100% organic isn’t practical for me or most people I know. It’s expensive for one, and I don’t exactly have a Whole Foods at the end of my block.

However, since I know most of us fall into the at-risk group for pesticides (women and/or caretakers of children), I thought I’d pass along a handy rule of thumb for the fruits and veggies you should try to buy organic above all else.

If you’re looking for more information on pesticides, you can visit the Pesticides Action Network, or Beyond Pesticides**, two not-for-profit organizations aimed at reducing harmful pesticide usage. The stuff on lawn care might be particularly helpful if you have rugrats.

Check it out; you might be surprised. I sure was.

**I don’t work directly with either of these organizations.

Life in a Sublease: Part One

One of the best things about subleasing an apartment from a 60-year old who has lived in it for nearly 30 years is that there is no shortage of oddities.

I make it a point to study each of these things, from knickknacks lying around the house, to segmented catalogs and direct mail.

Today, I wish to share with you some of my favorites from a recent catalog called, Home Trends: Practical Products For Practical People. Home Trends is a division of QCL Direct and is apparently skilled at selling old people shit they don’t need under the guise of, “Buying this will actually save you money!”

I looked through the entire catalog and thought I’d share some of my favorites with you.

From the pest prevention section:

These vomit-inducing bug traps claim to rid your house and yard of flying insects. Yours for $11.99 and $15.99 respectively. I don’t even know where to start with this one, except to say that I had to put off fixing lunch until these photos were posted. Verrrrpt.

Now, where I come from, you ooh and ahh when deer wander into your yard. But I suppose if you become one of those angry shut-ins, seeing a fawn in your yard is almost as bad as seeing the neighbor kid cross that invisible property line onto your just-fertilized lawn. Which means this might be for you:

You’ll note that the deer finds this quite appalling, judging from his twisted face and gagging motion. Yours for $29.99.

Moving on to health & personal wellness:

I’ve been thinking…

…That Colin Meloy is to 2008 indie music what Ben Gibbard was to 1998 indie music. Even their looks are markedly similar.

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, for four months maybe. So anyway, you better get hip to Meloy before he blows up and you can’t stand going to his/Decemberists shows anymore because of the lame crowd. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

[Jam of the Day]: Colin Meloy, Red Right Ankle

50 Ways to Help the Planet

Happy Earth Day, friends of Expo86! Whether you plant a tree, conserve some water or decide to stop littering (‘cuz that might be the most annoying, slovenly habit of all), I hope you find a way to contribute.

Need help getting some practical ideas? Check out Wire and Twine’s 50 Ways to Help the Planet. Lots of easy ways to make a difference. Last year I stopped using stirring sticks for my coffee (Milk, then Splenda, THEN coffee…it stirs it all up!). This year I’m going to do a better job with recycling newspaper and glass.

[Throwback Jam of the Day]: Raffi, Evergreen, Everblue

41 Hilarious Science Fair Projects

Oh, it hurts.

Check ‘em out, people.

[via]

5 Hours of ABBA

Holy crap! So I was catching up on my Coudal Partners feed and watching a few videos when the video, 238 Miles: A long day’s journey out of Iowa, caught my eye (for obvious reasons).

I clicked on the link and there staring back at me was an old writer’s workshop classmate of mine, named Steve Delahoyde. In this particular video, Steve drives from Iowa to Chicago (en route to visit his girlfriend) listening to one song and one song only: ABBA’s Dancing Queen. Steve is crazy.

Anyway, by the Google search results, Steve’s got his hand in a handful of honey pots. It’s fun and inspiring to see a classmate doing great, creative things. His journey and three other stories are on CP’s Copy Goes Here, which I’m probably going to have to buy.

Kudos, Steve! Keep up the fun, entertaining work.

My Secret for Fountain Drinks

I don’t drink a lot of soda. If I do, it’s gotta be diet (unless I’m hungover, then Coke Classic it is) and it usually comes from a fountain. But, if you’re like me, you’re not quite satisfied with most diet sodas (Diet Dr. Pepper being the exception, but few establisments have it on tap).

Which is why I developed this method:

I fill the majority (at least 3/4) up with diet soda. Then I fill the remaining cup space (usually just a splash) with the full-calorie counterpart.

The result: Nearly calorie-free soda that tastes like the real thing. Because I’m not so nuts that I can’t handle a few calories in my bev. This method works especially well with the following:

Coke/Diet Coke
Pepsi/Diet Pepsi
Coke/Vanilla Coke
Pepsi/Cherry Pepsi

Like I said, I’m not a huge pop connoisseur,  so I’m sure there are a handful more good combos (I haven’t tried this with the clear sodas, mostly because I don’t really like them). Give it a whirl, I’m telling you it will change your life!

I’ll Chance It

This is still, like, the single most annoying study ever.

But P.S., regularly taking the birth control pill for five-plus years is proven to cut your chances of ovarian cancer in half. Get with that oxymoron.