State of the Union! Party!
In Paris, I fell [more] in love with three things:
1. My husband
2. Lady Gaga
In regard to the latter… I don’t even know how else to say it, but it is the sexiest rock ‘n roll music, like, ever.
(Yes, the videos are good, too. “He smells like ranch dressing,” will forever make me laugh. This one is hilarious, too. While we’re watching, go ahead and add their recent SNL performance of Howlin’ For You to the queue.)
So we’re back and trying to get acclimated to normal life without the wedding. I’ll have a lot to say about the latter at some point, but for the moment, I’m coming with a couple of things, one of which is not like the others.
1. It has surprisingly been noticeable to go from drinking great wine with dinner every night to not drinking wine at all. While standing in line at Whole Foods tonight, I kept gazing at the wine, imagining how awesome it would taste with dinner. Am I going half on an alcoholic?
2. Toward the end of our honeymoon, D and I somehow came out of the closet with our shared love for Lady Gaga. When we got home, we learned that two of our close [guy] friends (they were in the wedding party) were also hiding their love for Gaga. What this means is that I’ve watched the video for “Bad Romance” more than a dozen times in the last four days. I’ll be honest, she kind of scares me. On the other hand, anyone who gets wasted and naked at a Yankees game is pretty harmless. Not that I speak from experience, but tequila’s a hell of a drug.
3. My adoration for the Gentle Barn has been growing for weeks, and it’s gotten to the point that I’m mentally planning future vacations with our non-existent kids around it. I love what they’re doing and think it’s so important to rehabilitate abused animals and teach kids how to be compassionate for living things. (Side note: my future kids will also never step foot in a pet store, a petting zoo or a circus.)
So let’s go ahead and watch “Bad Romance” for the
third fourth time today.
In addition to being over the moon about our engagement, I am also thrilled to report that our friend Tyler, who works for Michelle Obama in the West Wing (!) took a group of us to the White House last Sunday for a private tour of the West Wing.
I have very few photos since you’re only allowed to photograph outside of the White House and in the press room, but here are a few things worth noting:
You should know…I’ve been having a small laugh about this for days. I’m sure I’m creating loads of bad karma for our upcoming trip to Steamboat, but I can’t help myself. Poor guy.
One of the best things about subleasing an apartment from a 60-year old who has lived in it for nearly 30 years is that there is no shortage of oddities.
I make it a point to study each of these things, from knickknacks lying around the house, to segmented catalogs and direct mail.
Today, I wish to share with you some of my favorites from a recent catalog called, Home Trends: Practical Products For Practical People. Home Trends is a division of QCL Direct and is apparently skilled at selling old people shit they don’t need under the guise of, “Buying this will actually save you money!”
I looked through the entire catalog and thought I’d share some of my favorites with you.
From the pest prevention section:
These vomit-inducing bug traps claim to rid your house and yard of flying insects. Yours for $11.99 and $15.99 respectively. I don’t even know where to start with this one, except to say that I had to put off fixing lunch until these photos were posted. Verrrrpt.
Now, where I come from, you ooh and ahh when deer wander into your yard. But I suppose if you become one of those angry shut-ins, seeing a fawn in your yard is almost as bad as seeing the neighbor kid cross that invisible property line onto your just-fertilized lawn. Which means this might be for you:
You’ll note that the deer finds this quite appalling, judging from his twisted face and gagging motion. Yours for $29.99.
Moving on to health & personal wellness: Continue reading
I heard on the radio this morning that Iowans are seeking more solace from the bottle, which I then confirmed via the Des Moines Register. Just how much did the average Iowan consume in the past year? According to the Register:
The average adult Iowan consumed 37.23 gallons of beer, 1.98 gallons of liquor, and 1.69 gallons of wine over the 12-month period.
Between the economy and the flood (buh-bye corn = buh-bye ethanol) I suppose folks have good reason. But all I can think is: Just wait ’til Iowa football season starts. All previous annual records may be shattered.
(And, in a strange twist of irony, the Iowa Alcoholic Beverages Division transferred about 80 percent of its $87 million in revenue to the state’s general fund, where it will be spent on education, environmental protection and public safety. About 16 percent of the money is used for substance abuse programs. So keep on drinking, Iowa!)