Straw Finale

You’ve tried your best to please everyone
But it just isn’t happening
It’s fucked up

We all make choices. Some good. Some bad.

If you’re anything like me (and let’s hope not), you’ve spent hours, entire days (which can easily culminate into years) agonizing over:

A. The choice
B. The outcome
C. What it means

That shit can bring a lot of sleepless nights. Which is why I try with every little cell in my body not to mentally waiver after I make a decision. What’s done is done, it is what it is, etc.

So when I got sternly berated this evening, I threw no excuses. I had none to throw. I made a decision yesterday that maybe I shouldn’t have. I probably should have made a little better judgment call earlier on in the day. I didn’t.

The truth, which I’ll say here once and not again, is that there was no place I’d rather have been than standing at 14,200 feet this weekend. I felt, for the first time in a couple weeks, truly devoid of any stress, negativity and fatigue. Just me at the top of a mountain with rain in my face, peering down at the ant-sized people below.

I ate a flattened sandwich at 14,000 feet, rubbed my sore calves and hugged a friend. I know it’s wrong to say this, but anything else—anything other than that—would have felt false, uncomfortable, for show.

So as far as A, B and C are concerned, I’m sure they’ll get their dues at some point. But I can’t crush myself over this type of stuff.

I choose not to.

Today is done. Tomorrow is new.

Jam of the Day: Thom Yorke, Black Swan

[photo by Sophia Peer]

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