If you’re anything like me (and let’s hope not), you’ve spent hours, entire days (which can easily culminate into years) agonizing over:
A. The choice
B. The outcome
C. What it means
That shit can bring a lot of sleepless nights. Which is why I try with every little cell in my body not to mentally waiver after I make a decision. What’s done is done, it is what it is, etc.
So when I got sternly berated this evening, I threw no excuses. I had none to throw. I made a decision yesterday that maybe I shouldn’t have. I probably should have made a little better judgment call earlier on in the day. I didn’t.
The truth, which I’ll say here once and not again, is that there was no place I’d rather have been than standing at 14,200 feet this weekend. I felt, for the first time in a couple weeks, truly devoid of any stress, negativity and fatigue. Just me at the top of a mountain with rain in my face, peering down at the ant-sized people below.
I ate a flattened sandwich at 14,000 feet, rubbed my sore calves and hugged a friend. I know it’s wrong to say this, but anything else—anything other than that—would have felt false, uncomfortable, for show.
So as far as A, B and C are concerned, I’m sure they’ll get their dues at some point. But I can’t crush myself over this type of stuff.
I choose not to.
Today is done. Tomorrow is new.
Jam of the Day: Thom Yorke, Black Swan
[photo by Sophia Peer]