Oh, hi. I named my lip herpes after you.

I am notorious for getting a cold sore when I am stressed out. I woke up on my wedding day with one. By the time we landed in Nice to begin our honeymoon, it hurt so bad we marched straight to a pharmacy and I asked in French to please, mon Dieu, put me out of my misery.

I can usually figure out what has prompted a cold sore. With the wedding, I would say it was our MIA candy that tipped the scales.

This morning when I woke up with a cold sore, I looked at it and said, “F*cking Steve.”

Steve is the name of my mother’s “friend,” whom I am going to meet for the first time this week. I learned of Steve on Friday at 4:30PM. Via email. As I was dialing into a kickoff call with a new client.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, none of this is actually Steve’s fault. Steve is just being Steve; it’s your mother who could have alleviated some of your stress by:

A) Telling you about Steve in person or over the phone more than four days before the meeting;

B) Not introducing the entire damn family to Steve on a holiday; and

C) Providing a few details about Steve so you didn’t spend all weekend trying to figure out how Steve entered the picture, where he lives, what he does for a job, if he has any kids, how your grandmother’s failing heart will handle the introduction, and how you’ll obtain his social security number over dessert so as to conduct a thorough background search.

Yes. You are probably right. It’s just so much easier to pick on Steve. Mostly because his Facebook profile photo appears to be his third grade school picture.

Happy holidays!

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8 responses to “Oh, hi. I named my lip herpes after you.

  1. Ooooh yikes. Same thing happened to me. Only advice is to you is to take a flask.

  2. That’s a good idea. D’s family Thanksgiving is a couple hours before mine, so I’m hoping I’ll be good and warm (and not half in the bag) in time for our handshake.

  3. Oh no, fucking Steve does not sound fun. Good luck and drink heavily.

  4. That’s great news! I personally would aim for the bag-get nice and numb :). On a positive note-it gets easier over time. Always slightly awkard, but definitely easier as you and D create your own holiday traditions. Despite the circs, I hope you two have a fabulous first Thanksgiving!

  5. This is a great point and something I was thinking about while traveling yesterday — I think next year I want to start incorporating some of our own traditions. Maybe that means not coming back for Thanksgiving (We got in at 2A; I’m exhausted!) and inviting one family at a time to stay with us. Who knows.

    We WILL have a great Thanksgiving nevertheless. Too many good things to let Steve drag things down. Hope you guys have a great holiday, too!

  6. Oy vey – 2am!? Yucky. Yeah – we just started incorporating our own traditions for Christmas this year and it’s already putting my mind at ease. My family kept having the same difficult conversations every year – who goes where and when and what do we do – stressful! Not to mention the actual gatherings being stressful with significant others, etc. So this year we decided to incorporate one thing that WE wanted to do that we can carry on every year and make it something special to look forward to. Already feeling less stressed this year – you guys should definitely try it next year or for Christmas even – I think it will definitely help you and hopefully keep those crazy little “herpes” away (you’re funny)!

  7. In a related story, I just named my [first in two months] zit after my father. 🙂

  8. HA. Tricky little situations, these divorces. I’ll touch base with you this week to see how things are, ah… progressing.

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