- Sneezing more than twice in a row. Get ahold of yourself.
- Hiccups. Are you drunk?
- Loud eating. Actually, this one bugs me all the time.
- The sound of dripping water on our chrome toothbrush holder. What the f*ck is your problem?
- Anything messy. Not that I feel like cleaning it up.
- My hair. Get out of my face before I break another brush by chucking it at the wall.**
- Salad. Is there no clean way to eat this? THERE IS VINAIGRETTE ON MY FACE. (See: Anything Messy)
- My stomach. Water weight, I will f*ck you up.
- My skin. WHY, GOD, WHY.
- Colleagues. Annoying most days anyway, but hang on. Did you just ask me a question before I got through a cup of coffee? Now I’ll have to kill you.
*And that my better half has to suffer through.
**I only did this once. It was in high school and even I was freaked out by the burst of rage.