Originally written October 21, 2011.
I have lived most of my life on a theory I like to call “Planning for the Unknowable.”
Planning for the Unknowable means that I exert an embarrassing amount of energy exploring scenarios for any significant event or life change so that when the moment is upon me, I will be equipped to handle it.
I would say that Planning for the Unknowable has about a 50 percent success rate, which means it’s worth putting myself through. (D would place the success rate at about 10 percent).
This is due in large part to me stressing about something for three days and then hitting him like a battering ram with anxiety.
This morning it occurred to me that I have actually failed to employ Planning for the Unknowable to the thing I’ve spent the most time thinking about: How to do it all.
What falls under that bucket you ask? Allow me to identify them:
- Being successful at a job that doesn’t make me crazy
- Finding a house that is move-in ready (by my standards) in a neighborhood we love
- Getting pregnant whenever I feel like it
- Not getting stretch marks
- Crossfitting through pregnancy and right away after (You know, because my body will look just like it does now, later)
- A marriage that effortlessly improves with kids an time instead of gets harder
- Parents that figure out how to get together to see us when we come home
This morning I also accepted that, in reality, like, none of these things will happen — at least not concurrently. OK, fine. But what’s my best shot at it? I wondered.
Editor’s Note: I’ve seen a therapist since this writing. The shit works. Highly recommend!