- Sneezing more than twice in a row. Get ahold of yourself.
- Hiccups. Are you drunk?
- Loud eating. Actually, this one bugs me all the time.
- The sound of dripping water on our chrome toothbrush holder. What the f*ck is your problem?
- Anything messy. Not that I feel like cleaning it up.
- My hair. Get out of my face before I break another brush by chucking it at the wall.**
- Salad. Is there no clean way to eat this? THERE IS VINAIGRETTE ON MY FACE. (See: Anything Messy)
- My stomach. Water weight, I will f*ck you up.
- My skin. WHY, GOD, WHY.
- Colleagues. Annoying most days anyway, but hang on. Did you just ask me a question before I got through a cup of coffee? Now I’ll have to kill you.
*And that my better half has to suffer through.
**I only did this once. It was in high school and even I was freaked out by the burst of rage.
I owe this NMT to my husband. And Facebook. (Wait. I also owe Facebook for my husband. Trippy.)
Anyway, he “liked” Boris Smiles’ “My Love Powered by 10,000 Practice Amps,” on Bandcamp and I’ve been listening to it all morning. It reminds me of a cross between Annuals and Pedro the Lion. (Which is probably a good thing if you love PtL’s sound but it makes you feel sad about life.)
My favorite tracks so far include Lucy, Into Town, Rumors, Fox and Amelia and, well, pretty much the whole damn thing.
Give it a listen (you can stream it for free) and consider picking up the mp3 album from Amazon.
Here’s their official album teaser. Aren’t they fun?
Swedish pop duo jj released a free mixtape, Kills, before Christmas, which Pitchfork recommended and I ignored. Dumb.
So I owe a huge thanks to Refinery29 for posting one of the Kills tracks, “Pressure is a Privilege,” on their blog yesterday. So good.
Obviously I downloaded the rest of Kills last night, along with some other jj’s albums.
Among the tracks I can’t stop playing:
“Things Will Never Be The Same Again”
And, “From Africa To Malaga”
Don’t worry; I’m still here. Just been busy with life stuff. Like:
- My mom moved away. And in with Steve. (I guess I didn’t tell you he was a long-distance lover, did I?)
- My husband took a certain aptitude test and kicked major tail. More on that in the coming months.
- I’ve been CrossFit training. And yes, I have totally consumed the Kool-Aid. Not sure you’ll ever see me in the CrossFit games (click that link and prepare to be inspired), but it’s super motivational. As is deadlifting next to a bunch of dudes doing bicep curls.
This afternoon I was standing in our office kitchen talking to a colleague when another colleague — whom I barely know aside from his name and position — crept up behind me and scared the shit out of me. When he did so, he put both of his hands between my waist and hips and squeezed.
I flipped out on him.*
Here’s the thing. What makes one gal comfortable might be uncomfortable for the next gal. For me, this was not only immature and unprofessional, it was inappropriate.
This video, (NSFW because it uses the word “sh*t” a lot) directed by our friend (if you were at our wedding, he was the emcee), made me feel better.
Of course, in my case, “my sh*t” is my bod.
Feels good to laugh again.
*I told him never to do that again. He laughed. I said, “I’m serious, never do that to me ever the eff again,” and walked away. Then asked HR to document it. Later in the day I overheard him make an offensive joke about Asians… to our new Asian colleague. Ugh.
I turned 29 on Friday. Adulthood arrived right on cue:
1. I suddenly like nuts in my cookies.
2. While shopping, a college student told her boyfriend that I looked like her sister. He replied, “Yeah… your older sister, right?”
3. I tried on a suit jacket and, for the first time, didn’t look like I was playing dress-up in Mom’s closet. Said jacket is now in my closet.
State of the Union! Party!