H&M is so 1.0

H&M really pisses me off. In fact I had to stop my web shopping to post about it. Why?

H&M is just about the only popular retailer I know that:

A. Still has a virtual online model (seriously, wtf?)
B. Doesn’t have a catalog
C. Isn’t set up for online shopping

C bears repeating: H&M ISN’T SET UP FOR ONLINE SHOPPING. That’s right. If you want their shit, you have to find a store. And that my friends, can be a problem. But don’t worry; they are opening a franchise in the Middle East this year, so if you make it to Kuwait or Dubai any time soon, be sure to stop by.

I suppose if you’re supercool H&M, you don’t really give a shit about the masses. You do what you do because it’s how you want to do it, and I respect that. To a point. Because a big part of me sees H&M as taking a steaming dump on the masses’ heads and smearing it in their faces with a heather-grey polyblend scarf.

Their [crappy] site isn’t friendly either. As a person who writes web copy all day long, I have to tell you that reading an unfriendly FAQ section when you’re already pissed off at a company just adds insult to injury.

Q: Are you going to open stores on the west coast or any other regions other than the northeast?

A: H&M is still in an expansion stage in the US. There are no immediate set plans for stores outside the northeast region, but please continue to check our store locator for future changes you stupid, conformist fucktard.

Fine, I added that last bit.

Maybe I should take issue with Denver. After all, aren’t community leaders responsible for bringing goods and services to the consumers? I mean, are you seriously telling me that Detroit, home of B. Rabbit, can hook it up and Denver can’t?

Baby—Denver—I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean it. I love you. I luhhh you, girl. Please forgive. It’s all H&M; I don’t know what I was thinking. I was a crazy person, blind momentarily with rage. Tomorrow I will make it up to you by visiting the Nord of Strom and making a cash donation in your honor.

Anyway, my long-winded point is:

This isn’t 1990, H&M. Feigning indifference isn’t that cool anymore. So take off your flannel already and give.